I used to blog compulsively. Not that many people were reading...but I thought it would help me sort through my problems, and give me something to look back on to remember the forgotten details of my life.
I don't remember when stopped blogging...but I think it was around the time I had a really bad experience at a party, blogged about it, and received an email from a friend (who knew everyone at that party), informing me that my blog was public, and I might want to do something about that. I hadn't realized it was public. That's right, I got so embarrassed I left the Internet. Woo.
But that was years ago. I feel as though I have changed quite a lot since then...but I'm still not the person I want to be. I often feel unmotivated and overwhelmed, and I feel that part of the problem is that I don't take time to reflect. I should meditate--I should also exercise--but I can't motivate myself to do it. It's a vicious cycle.
Here's the thing: I need people. I need people to help me understand myself, to help me stay motivated, to give me a sense of clarity and purpose. But I don't like having roommates, or being in a relationship, either of which would provide me with the companionship I need in order to be functional. The middle ground here is to spend time with close friends every week, and that used to be something I did...but I don't have time to do that anymore. So...what do I do, during those times when I have nobody to talk to?
Blog.
Blogging, like meditating, gives me a chance to focus on what's going on in my head. Unlike meditating, it's something to do, rather than a state of active non-doing, so it should be easier to stay awake. Blogging is me having a conversation with myself, and giving solid form to my nebulous thoughts.
...well, that was a half-hour spent saying "THIS IS A BLOG AND I WRITE THINGS IN IT"...
Point is, I plan to write a little every day, as a means to help me understand myself. We'll see if it actually happens.
